Feliz Navidad in August: LSN Discovers Cayo Perico's Finest

🎤 Los Santos' Next Big Mariachi Act Has Been a Band for 45 Minutes (45 Minutes Ago)

LSN flew to Cayo Perico for an exclusive with the island's hottest new mariachi band. They'd formed 45 minutes earlier.

The sun was dipping into the water. Torches lined the sand. Five men in mariachi finery struck up a tune, and by the second verse I knew I was witnessing history. The song was Feliz Navidad. The month was August.

"Wow. I'm blown away. That was incredible," I told them, and I meant every word.

They call themselves The Tres Amigos — five of them, from Cayo Perico, which frontman Gringo describes as "Cali, Puerto Rico." And they are, in Gringo's estimation, destined for greatness.

"I think we're gonna be the best mariachi band Los Santos has ever seen. We got a lot of talent." — Gringo

The Reveal

I asked the obvious question: how long have you guys been playing together?

"45 minutes," they answered. In unison. Like a band that has been playing together for exactly 45 minutes.

The repertoire currently stands at three songs: La Chona, Feliz Navidad, and La Cucaracha — though La Cucaracha is off the setlist for now. Not rehearsed enough. As Gringo put it, they don't want to look like clowns.

"We only sing three songs," he confirmed.

For the record, nobody in the band speaks Spanish. Carlos initially claimed to be multilingual. Under gentle questioning, that was downgraded to bilingual.

Meet the Band

  • Gringo — frontman, contract negotiator, spells his name "G-R-I-N-G-R." Married to Greg.
  • Señor Ricardo — formerly "DJ AK," seven years on the decks, spun for all of Cayo Perico. "I quit being a DJ and decided to join a mariachi band… 45 minutes ago."
  • Skillet — bongos. He is, by all accounts, sizzling.
  • Greg — guitar. "Just a white dude they found." Adopted, washed up in a shipwreck, currently sporting a thrift-shop American-flag shirt. Also Gringo's husband.
  • Carlos — guitar. A passion.

The Contract Talks

Naturally, I offered my services as manager. LSN would take a shy, entirely reasonable 70% cut. Green screens. The Vinewood Bowl. Thirty RVs at Burning Man. A found-footage documentary released on vinyl only, once they're famous. I mentioned Sammy the record label owner — former Hollywood exec, slimy as they come, he's great.

Gringo, who handles the money, weighed it with the instincts of a seasoned dealmaker.

"I'll talk to Mr. Wise Bird about that one."

Greg, quietly, offered his assessment of Gringo handling the finances:

"It was a cry for help." — Greg

On the band's motivation, Gringo was crystal clear: "We're not doing it for the love, man… for the money. We're in for the love. My bad."

Dreams Bigger Than the Island

There's talk of Casa Bonita opening soon — divers, live entertainment while you eat — and I've already put in for imaging rights. The band's own ambitions run higher: Coachella and Burning Man.

I asked where Coachella was.

"Probably somewhere up at Sandy Shores," Gringo offered.

Dreams of Coachella, yet to lay down a single. "We gotta get in that studio, man," Gringo said. When they do, they've already picked their tier.

"We'll be the Hispanic Beatles." — Gringo

Mariachi is coming back, folks. These guys just happened to strike gold. As I told them on the way out — you're going to be famous, so enjoy your freedom now.

For the last time, gentlemen: how long have you been playing together?

"45 minutes."

Full interview coming soon.

*Reported by Alex Sterling and Ross Time